As I made my way into the Roman Forum through the bone-chilling mist and fog, all of my senses were on high alert. Although I could see no one, I could feel the enemy around me. Without a weapon I was completely at their mercy.
For eight days I had been asking my commander for a sword. Her response to my constant requests was, “No, they’re too expensive. I don’t want to hear you mention swords again!” The previous day she had purchased a new pair of boots and a bag, but a three-Euro sword was somehow too expensive. But this was a life-or-death situation. She could not fathom the danger.
With only my loyal and trusted companion Spiderman at my side…
…I trudged though the mud and hoisted myself atop broken pillars and the ruins of ancient buildings. I was vigilant and always on the look-out for the barbarians.
Then I was down. Hit from behind. Splayed in ankle-deep Roman mud. Cold, desperate and yearning for the warmth of home, I turned to my commander for help as a tear sprung to my war-weary eye.
“Saaaaaam! It’s wet and slippery and muddy. I told you to be careful. You were just getting too cocky, weren’t you? Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” In her tone was more than a hint of exasperation, especially when the Huggies wipes failed to remove the filth of the battleground from my clothing.
With our patrol of the Forum complete, we marched into the Colosseum. Still caked in mud, I climbed the many steep flights of stairs until we reached the top of the massive arena. Unlike the Forum, the Colosseum was heaving with spectators, many dressed in lurid-coloured rain jackets. From on high I had a spectacular view of the pits where lions, bears and gladiators alike were caged, waiting to do battle.
Tired and hungry, having cheated death for yet another day, I rode back to the barracks.
On the way I was rewarded by my commanders, for a successful campaign, with a glistening new Roman sword. Now I am ready to face any enemy, be it Barbarian, dragon or Green Goblin.
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